The Marriage Covenant

“The strength of a nation lies in the houses of its people” —Abraham Lincoln

The Hebrew word for covenant is beriyth, which means “a solemn agreement with binding force.” Though its etymology is uncertain, beriyth may come from a root word meaning “to cut.” The connotation is that of a cutting of the flesh causing blood to flow out; thus, the Hebrew expression speaks of “cutting covenant
Time after time, the Scriptures describe marriage as a covenant. In Proverbs 2:16-17 we read, “[Wisdom] will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.” These verses indicate that the wife, in marriage, enters into a sacred covenant with God and her husband. In Malachi 2:14 we read that the husband, in marriage, also enters into a covenant with God and his wife: “She is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.”


And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.  (Ge 2:23–25).
Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mt 19:6).

The oneness of covenant is beautifully illustrated in an old wedding tradition called the “covenant of salt.” Diane Warner, author of The Complete Book of Wedding Vows, explains that when a husband and wife pour individual bags of salt into a single, third bag, they are symbolizing the total mesh-ing of their two lives into one, to the point that separation is virtually impossible:

Dennis Rainey a well known Christian family life speaker writes that

“For the past two years I have had a growing concern that the Christian community has passively watched the “dumbing down” of the marriage covenant. Marriage has become little more than an upgraded social contract between two people—not a holy covenant between a man and a woman and their God for a lifetime. In the Old Testament days a covenant was solemn and binding. When two people entered into a covenant with one another, a goat or lamb would be slain and its carcass would be cut in half. With the two halves separated and lying on the ground, the two people who had formed the covenant would solemnize their promise by walking between the two halves (Ed note: see Covenant: A Walk into Death) saying, “May God do so to me [cut me in half] if I ever break this covenant with you and God!” You get the feeling that a covenant in those days had just a little more substance than today.” (from The Covenant of Marriage)

The security given to guarantee the fulfillment of a covenant was usually an oath. For men, it was an oath of such solemn character that it partook of the nature of I will or testament. The idea is that just as a testator cannot change his will when dead, so neither can a covenanter change his covenant. One way in which this was signified was by the slaying of an animal, dividing it into two parts, and then the passing of both parties between the halves (Gen 15:9).

“Divorce,” writes Jim Smoke in his book Growing Through Divorce, “is the death of a marriage and is usually surrounded by a cast of players that includes the husband and wife as combatants, the children as the mourners, and the lawyers as the funeral directors.” During the past fifty years, we have trivialized divorce, claiming that it’s no big deal; privatized divorce, saying that it’s no one else’s business; and glorified divorce, promising freedom and happiness. Lies. All lies! “Till death do us part” has been replaced by “as long as I’m happy.”


“I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman?” Job 31:1


The psalmist says this about a good man: He “keeps his oath even when it hurts” Psalm 15:4 Deut 23:23


2 Kings 23:2-3 King Josiah made a public covenant before all the people.


2 Sam 24:24 “No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price; nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing.”


There are restrictions and obligations.  You give up friends, self-interests, even your own dreams by making a covenant of Marriage. But it has to be both parties that equally make sacrifices.


Gen 17:10–11 Circumcision. Why put the sign in one’s most private part?
The heart is secret, and it is in the heart where one first remain loyal!


Promises of blessing when the covenant is kept, or warnings of punishment when the covenant is broken


The Hittite treaties called a long list of deities to witness the document. In the Sinai and other biblical covenants pagan gods were obviously excluded. Instead, memorial stones could be a witness (Ex 24:4; cf. Josh 24:27); heaven and earth were called upon as witnesses (Deut 30:19; 31:28; 32:1; cf. 4:26); the scroll of the law was deposited by the side of the ark to be a witness (Deut 31:26); and Moses’ song itself would remind the people of their covenant vows (Deut 31:30–32:47). In the covenant renewal service at the end of Joshua’s life the people themselves acted as the witnesses (Josh 24:22).


revival occurred in Israel after Athaliah, the idolatrous Judean queen, was dethroned. We read in 2 Kings 11:17 that Jehoiada, the priest, “then made a covenant between the LORD and the king and people that they would be the LORD’S people.”


“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). Covenant marriage, as divinely planned, is a binding together of three persons: a man, a woman, and Almighty God. As long as the couple stays in close contact with each other and with God, they have an unbreakable bond.


The LORD said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes” (Hosea 3:1). Isa 54:6-8; Ps 89:28-29; 33-34


Col 2:13-14; Gal 3:14; Heb 7:22; 9:15
To marry by contract is to say, “Now, that I’ve signed on the dotted line, what do I get? How are you going to meet my needs—and even my greeds?” The focus is on receiving. In contrast, to marry by covenant is to say, “I am giving myself to you unconditionally. What may I bring to this relationship? How may I serve you?” The focus is on giving. Be-cause of this difference in focus, covenant and contract bring entirely different attitudes to a marriage relationship, as the following chart shows:


Contract Attitude Covenant Attitude
You had better do it! How may I serve you?
What do I get? What can I give?
What will it take? Whatever it takes!
It’s not my responsibility. I’m happy to do it!
It’s not my fault. I accept responsibility.
I’ll meet you halfway. I’ll give 100 percent.
I’ll be faithful for now. I’ll be faithful forever.
I am suspicious. I am trusting.
I have to. I want to.
It’s a deal. It’s a relationship

A few years ago, an Alabama couple won a “Happy Marriage” contest with this description of their marriage:
We gave…when we wanted to receive.
We served…when we wanted to feast.
We shared…when we wanted to keep.
We listened…when we wanted to talk.
We submitted…when we wanted to reign.
We forgave…when we wanted to remember.
We stayed…when we wanted to leave.¹⁵


“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.
17      Where you die, I will die,
And there will I be buried.
The Lord do so to me, and more also,
If anything but death parts you and me.”
(Ru 1:16–17).


Bewaar jou Hart

❤Jou hart is kosbaar, bewaar hom ❤
Kom ons wees eerlik, die lewe is nie maklik nie. Elke dag het sy uitdagings en teleurstellings, ook in verhoudings. En dan veral in die huwelik.
Hoe gemaak om my hart rein te hou, gefokus op my huweliksmaat! Daar is soveel verleiding, soveel dinge wat aanspraak maak op ons hart en tyd!
Vir my as gelowige gaan alles oor reg dink. Wat ek in my gedagtes toelaat, of nie. Ons kan verseker nie help dat ‘n sekere gedagte by ons opkom nie, maar ons moenie verkeerde gedagtes ‘entertain’ nie. Ons weet dat dit wat die hart van vol is, sal by ons monde uitkom.
Dikwels is ons verbaas en selfs verras oor iets wat ons sê, want ons eie harte bedrieg ons so maklik.
Die Bybel sê so mooi en duidelik. “Bo alles, wees versigtig met wat in jou hart aangaan. Wat jy dink, bepaal alles wat jy doen. Moenie lelike dinge sê nie. Bly ver weg van lawwe praatjies. Kyk reguit vorentoe; bly gefokus op wat voor jou is.”
Iets wat ek weet, en my hart gereeld voor ondersoek is trots. Ons weet die Here sê: “He gives grace to the humble” en ek is afhanklik van die Here, van Sy genade.
Begin sommer vandag deur te erken dat jy afhanklik is van die Here. Dat jy Hom nodig het om wys op te tree, om die regte besluite en keuses te maak. Erken dat jy deur die Heilige Gees gelei wil word en nie op jou eie insigte wil staatmaak nie! Kom ons word gelei deur die woord van God, wat ons harte suiwer.
Kom ons gaan dan die heiligdom binne, ja tot voor God, met ’n opregte hart en absolute vertroue, terwyl ons harte deur besprinkeling gesuiwer is van ’n skuldige gewete en ons liggame gewas is met skoon water. HEB 10:19-20, 22 NLV
Ons is verantwoordelik vir dit wat in ons eie harte aangaan. Ons kan niemand anders blameer vir dit wat ons dink of doen nie. Mediteer dikwels oor die mooi in mense, maar veral ook jou huweliksmaat. Kyk uit vir die Christus wat jy wel in hulle sien. So help dit ons om vry van offence te bly, en kan ons aanhou om vir ons hartsmens, ons huweliksmaat lief te wees!
As gelowiges is ons boodskappers van geloof, hoop en liefde! Maar heel eerste aan ons eie huis, ons huweliksmaat!
So dikwels laat ons mense en situasie toe om ons lewens te dikteer, maar ons het die verantwoordelikheid om ons eie harte te beskerm en te bewaar! Neem die verantwoordelikheid ernstig op.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
—Proverbs 4:23
Wenke om my hart te bewaar in ons huwelik :

  1. Ons fokus ons harte, ons aandag en liefde na mekaar.
  2. Ons gaan slaap nie kwaad nie.
  3. Ons bly nie kwaad vir mekaar en leef met onvergifnis in ons harte nie!
  4. Ons haal nie die heeltyd mekaar se foute aan nie!
  5. Ons kraak nie ons maats in die publiek af nie.
  6. Ons is nie dislojaal aan mekaar nie (in woord, daad of hart nie).
  7. Ons lieg nie vir mekaar nie!
  8. Ons spandeer nie al ons tyd en geld net aan onsself nie.
  9. Ons gee niemand anders prioriteit in ons lewe nie.
  10. Ons attensies is gerig op net my eie huweliksmaat.
  11. Ons verwag nie die heeltyd dat die ander party die opoffering moet maak nie, ons maak aanpassings.
  12. Wanneer ons oor iets verskil gee ons nie ons posisie van eenheid prys nie.
  13. Ons is NOOIT op enige manier (seksueel ; of in ons harte) ontrou aan mekaar nie! ❤️
  14. Ons bid vir mekaar, en bid gereeld saam vir beskerming in ons huwelik.
  15. Ons is afhanklik van die Heilige Gees om ons te help, en is gewillig om te verander.
  16. As jou hart op enige manier vandag seer is, gebroke is, bring dat na die Here. Hy spesialiseer daarin om gebroke en seer harte weer heel te maak! Hy is ons lieflike verlosser, die een wat alles weet! As iets vir jou onmoontlik lyk, by God is alle dinge moontlik. Amen