Why remain faithful in Marriage

FOR GOD – The Bible declare God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:10-16) We made a vow before God and witnesses; “what God has brought together, let no man separates” Jesus made it very clear that Moses offered the people divorce letters, but before God there is no separation. (Matthew 19:4-8)  As believers we have no right to divorce unless our partner has already committed adultery, and when your spouse who is an unbeliever seeks to be separated. (1Corinthians 7:27-28) We are joined to each other in covenant, and we cannot separate. As believers we belong to God, and we are His dwelling place, how can we allow the members of his body to be defiled? (1 Corinthians 6:16-19) God will judge adulterers and divorcees.  (Hebrews 13:4) Joseph resisted the daily seduction of Potiphar’s wife because of his love for God. He asked her, “How … could I do this great evil and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). God wants us to develop a passion for Him that is greater than our passion to sin!
FOR TRUE LOVE – So many people say: “I do not love my spouse anymore, should I stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of marriage?” This reveals a great deception where these people value “love” more than they value obedience to God. Love is now their god. They believe that love will make them happy.  Erotic romantic love makes you feel empowered, you feel invincible, you feel alive, your happiness is focussed on your lover, and you cannot get them out of your head. People even give their lovers’ god-like names, and become poetic of the wonderful, glorious, illuminated, transcending experience. The sad truth is, that all this is a chemical reaction in the brain that releases dopamine that wears off over time.  Love is what brings a couple together, but we need more than mere romantic love to remain together. Do the 1 Corinthians 13 love test, and discover God’s kind of love.
FOR HONOR – Honour is the stuff heroes are made of.  Honour is what makes our lives reach over time and generations. We remember people either for their honour or their failure.  Honour your father and mother that you may have a long life.  Honour is a form of godliness where we are touching divinity.  When we do the honourable thing, doing what is right, we expose the quality of our heart and character. Choosing the path of honour is not easy, sacrificing our lives in the process.  People who get divorced for any other reason than adultery, physical abuse and manipulation towards criminal behaviour has no honour.  Marriage is honourable, it is holy.  Hebrews 13:4. Honour God, honour family, and honour yourself!
FOR IT IS MY CALLING AND RESPONSIBILITY – When we consider and fulfil our various roles: husband as leader and wives as helpmate we bring honour to the relationship.  When we allow emotions and circumstances to override our responsibility, position and role we open the door to various kinds of evil. We leave our partner uncovered, exposed to attack. Make your calling and identity sure.  (1 Peter 1:10) You are not an adulterer, liar, thief, a betrayer and unfaithful person! But giving in to sin, distorts God’s destiny and calling over your life, and soon you will become exactly that. Respect yourself and God’s call upon your life enough to not sell your birth right for a morsel of bread.  Cheating is not a mistake, it is a choice.  Loyalty is a responsibility not a choice.
FOR LEGACY – We model right living to our children and thus build a legacy for our children to follow.  We give up rights and privileges now, so in the future our children may have it easier. Marriage faithfulness is the foundation of building a legacy for our children. The family unit becomes the bases of family enterprise that provides for generations to come. Once we brake this up, we divide not only the family but also the family’s provision.  So many children today have lost hope and faith in the sanctity and purpose of marriage because they have so few examples to follow.  Children now have to make and discover their own way, because this generation selfishly only provided for themselves.  Children do not learn through their ears, they learn through their experiences.  What experience are you creating for your children?  Your decision will affect them for the rest of their lives.
FOR KEEPING YOUR WORD – One of my best friends were married for 22 years when his wife contracted colon cancer.  She became very sick, and they did not enjoy the pleasures of marriage anymore. He had to take care of her, she was in much pain and as a result became difficult and unreasonable at times.  After she passed away, I asked him one day; “why did you remain faithful?” His quick and prompt reply moved me; “I gave my word!” That’s it! We do not always have much to give as humans, but our word! Many people’s words has become meaningless without substance, because you cannot take them on their word.  You made a vow before God and witness, you should therefor get all those people together, and try to convince them why you are now seeking a divorce.
FOR SAFETY AND SECURITY – Marriage provides financial security if we work hard and are faithful with what we have received. Together husband and wives build together to establish a home, and provide for their children, saving also for their old age, and in some cases they have to help provide for their respective parents too. Divorce destroys this nest egg.  Wives who have not been working full-time, are thrown back in the corporate world often at old age to start at the bottom again. They have lost the security and safety of marriage.  The children are often also the victims of financial difficulty, because of the losses and costs of divorce.  Thus also losing the safety and security home should have provided.  It is unbelievable to see what people are willing to pay for giving up their marriages, if they have spent the same money and effort on working at their problems the marriage could have been saved.
FOR PERSONAL GROWTH – Walking out of a relationship most people have little understanding on what contributed to the breakup. We can usually tell in elaborate detail what our partners have done wrong, but we do not see our own error.  We then enter the new relationship, with the same baggage and unchanged. Conflict in a relationship is sometimes necessary to expose the areas in our lives where we are not Christ like. People get divorced mostly because they have been hurt by a partner’s un Christ like behaviour.  When we live to grow in Christ’s humility, meekness, gentleness, the fruit of the spirit, godly character, faithfulness, loyalty and love no one in the world would want to leave and separate.  There can thus be no justification for divorce, but our own fickle hearts and unrestrained passions.
FOR NOT BECOMING A ‘THIEF’ – When getting involved emotionally with a married person, you are setting up a scene of fraud and theft. You taking something that belongs to someone else.  Have you ever felt the powerless feeling when walking into your house that has been robbed? You are that person stealing! You are also the thief that is about to steal the trust and respect of the partner that have committed their life to you.  The pain of betrayal is like mourning the death of a loved one, but they are still alive and hurting you continually. One lady whose husband was unfaithful wrote in a letter to him: “you have robbed me for keeps, you make your partner an adulterer.  How will it feel if your partner would leave you for someone else?  The one person I allowed in, with whom I had no defence or secrets betrayed me!
FOR OLD AGE PARTNERSHIP – Most breakups in relationships happens around the first 7 years and then once the children have left home. This is when couples have to recommit themselves and renew their vows, because they’re not the same people they once were.  Yet the period we need a partner the most is in old age! As we grow older we become fragile and more and more dependent on each-other. Many times the one partner becomes more dependent.  Difficult adults become very difficult old people.  This is why we had to grow, adapt and change as individuals in character and person, to become the best we can be at the end. It is in old age where we appreciate it the most, the lives we have lived.  This was the intend at the beginning was it not? Growing old together!
FOR FRIENDSHIP – In divorce you lose not only a partner but you lose your friends too. When a couple gets divorced it brings an end to most of the friendships they have once shared.  Friends have to decide with which partner they are going to side. Those who keeps their distance to not get involved, remain uninvolved altogether. As friends we were supposed to get old together.  Divorce has such a huge ripple-effect on the extended family and friendship circle we belong to.  This is why a healthy family is the bedrock of society’s moral fibre and strength.
FOR ENDURANCE – Being single is terrifying.  The dating scene is so clouded, where hidden motives thrives, and pretence, broken hearts seeking solitude.  The uncertainty of finding love again, as specially getting older is a huge challenge.  Sexually it is about making that special connection, finding the one! We all seek intimacy, to know and to be known… But this really becomes quite a challenge if we have no way to know, to be certain to find that special person.  Enduring with the one you do know is certainly much easier.
FOR THE RIGHT FOUNDATION – A relationship build on adultery and someone else’s heartbreak is doomed for failure.  There will always be trust issues and respect issues. The divorce rate after the second marriage is considerably higher. Once you have been unfaithful, it is easy to do it again.
FOR LOYALTY – We all treasure loyalty and fear the abandonment of the one we love. Yet some are willing to do exactly that and betray their partner, helpmate our spouse.  Beware of turning your heart and seek to be nourished elsewhere.  All relationships go through difficulty, the routine of daily living, the boring shores of responsibility and duty.  One may feel entitled to justify your unfaithfulness because of core needs not met within marriage.  The bible instructs us to drink from your own fountain, the wife of your youth. (Proverbs 5:18) All sexual needs should be met within marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5) Learn to be content whether you get what you want or not.  Marriage is about give and take. If only one member in the relationship do all the sacrifices it will lead to disillusionment and discouragement. Kindle and rekindle the fire within the relationship and stay in the boat.
FOR IT IS WORTH IT – I would love to ask every person who ever walked out and committed adultery, whether it was worth it in the end? Years later after all the damage caused has settled down, and the new relationship now also becomes routine, was it worth it?
Fight for you marriage, it is worth it!


Kyk met nuwe oë na die hemel

Elke dag word ons gekonfronteer deur die agteruitgang, verbrokkeling, verwoesting, en gebrokenheid van hierdie wêreld. Ons sien duidelik die verganklikheid, die kortstondigheid, en die tydelikheid van hierdie bestaan, tog hou ons soms krampagtig daaraan vas terwyl die Vader vir ons iets talloos beter in stoor het.

Daar is ‘n sterk konnotasie tussen wat ons begeer en hoe ons die hemel sien. Mense se beelde van die hemel is meestal gebaseer op die dinge wat hulle die graagste in die lewe sal wil hê. Vir die Moslem is dit ‘n Haarlem met baie vroue, vir die Boeddhiste is dit ‘n plek van vrede en stilte. Vir Christene is, die hemel ‘n plek waar ons nie meer gaan swaarkry, trane stort en siek wees nie. Mense gebruik die woord hemels, wanneer hulle ‘n heerlike ete beskryf, of die seksdaad, of ‘n lekker oomblik tussen vriende, avontuur en oomblikke van ekstase. Hemel is waar jou hart is. (Mat 6:21) Die hemel waarna ons smag lê opgesluit in ons begeertes. Die dinge wat ons begeer dui uiteindelik op die tipe hemel wat ons sal wil hê.

Dit kan egter nie hemel wees nie! Hemel is die plek waar God se begeertes en wil seëvier. Omdat ons egter nie ʼn idee het waaroor God se hemel en koninkryk gaan nie, het ons gee natuurlike behoefte daarvoor nie. Leef ons maar die beste lewe wat ons kan leef, en hoop maar op die beste. Ons hou krampagtig vas aan ons stukkies hemel en wil nie laat gaan nie. Ons hou vas aan hierdie lewe, en maak hierdie lewe se dinge so waardevol dat ons dit uiteindelik aanbid, en God se plan heeltemal uit ons versier verloor. Geld, tyd, take, werk, en materiële rykdom word so belangrik, dis al waarvoor ons leef, veg en bestaan. Jesus moedig ons aan om te werk vir ewige voedsel. Joh 6:27; Mat 4:4; Joh 4:13-14

Die aarde is oorgegee aan verval en gebrokenheid

Dit is ook die rede hoekom ons as mens so hard probeer om van die aarde ‘n beter plek te probeer. Ons raak perfeksionisties, ons strewe na die volmaakte. Sommige soek na ware liefde, ander na welvaart om gemaklik en sonder probleme te probeer leef. Ander probeer weer elke moontlike kuur om jonk te bly. Alles is ‘n gejaag na wind, ‘n eindelose soeke na ‘n stukkie hemel. Ons probeer hemel maak hier op aarde! Die hartseer is: al hierdie dinge is kortstondig, dit bly nie mooi nie alles is uitgelewer aan verganklikheid. Maak nie saak hoe hard ons probeer, netjies maak, orde skep, regmaak en mooimaak nie, alles verval weer en verwelk onder die krag van verderflikheid. Roem, eer, respek, aansien, is vlietende oomblikke van glorie, maar op die ou end is alles weer vergete. ʼn Dwelm verslaafde leef vir sy volgende “high” daardie oomblik van “invincibility” maar dit hou nie. Hoe hoër die hoogte van ekstase so laag val ek in diep depressie en verdriet. Die tragedie is sulke persone mis uit op die lewe en eindig op in hulle middeljare, as hulle die dwelms oorleef, met niks, geen geld, eiendom, gesin of lewe. Elke keer as ons probeer om van hierdie lewe te ontsnap en ons eie hemel te skep ontken en verloor ons die geskenk wat God wel vir ons in hierdie lewe opgesluit het.

Die woord hemel kom 149 keer voor in die NT.

Kyk ek maak alles nuut: Rev 21:5; Mat 19:28

Loon /Reward Mat 5:12; 6:1-4, 20; 16:27; Rev 22:12

Regeer: Gen 1:28; Exo 19:6; Rev 5:10 oor stede Luk 19:12-19;

Huise: Isaiah 65: 17–19, 21; Mat 19: 28–29; Mat 25:31-36

Yes, Revelation implies “there was no longer any sea” (Rev 21: 1). But many scholars believe this is alluding to the fact that the ancients, including the Jews, held the sea to be a habitation of evil.

Ons sal skyn soos die Son: Mat 13:43

Ons sukkel om te go en verstaan dat “Hemel” regtig beter is: Philippians 1: 23

JESUS is Hemel

Christus is die enigste antwoord en ingang tot ‘n ewige hemel. Hy is ook nie net die deur nie, hy is ook die verpersoonliking van die hemel. Waar hy is, is hemel. (Mat 4:17) Hy is die presiese verpersoonliking van die Vader. (Heb 1:3) As jy Hom sien en leer ken, sien jy die Vader. Hy versoen ons weer met die Vader. (Col 1) As gevolg van sonde is die aarde uitgelewer aan verderf en verbrokkeling. Dis hoekom die aarde uitroep met reikhalsende verlange na die openbaarmaking van die seuns van God. (Rom 8:19-25) Soos ons gelykvormig word aan die beeld van die Seun (Rom 8:29) bring ons hemel aarde toe. Hemel wag vir ons, maar ons kan ʼn stuk van die hemel alreeds hier beleef wanneer ons Sy lewe en manier van lewe leef.

Dis hoe Jesus ons geleer het om te bid; “laat u koninkryk kom, u wil geskied, hier op aarde soos wat dit in die hemel is.” Hemel kan net kom, as daar mense is wat die wil van God doen. Jesus se lewe is God se wil. God se wil is nie meer ‘n geheimenis nie of misterie nie. God se wil is dat ons moet glo in die een wat Hy gestuur het, Jesus Christus. Soos wat Hy ons leer en help en laat opgroei in die wasdom van Jesus se lewe, begin die landskap om ons verander, alles waarmee ons in aanraking kom verander. ‘n Dorre woestyn word ‘n oase!

Hemel is ‘n aarde sonder Sonde

Sonde verwoes lewens, breek af wat mooi en edel is, takel ons liggame af, verbrokkel verhoudings, verskeur en verwoes gesinne, maak dood. God het Christus gestuur om ons lewe en lewe in oorvloed te gee. Jesus red, genees en herstel. Jesus restoureer en maak ons heel. Hierdie restourasie kan nie volkome gebeur terwyl ons nog op aarde is nie. Dis hoekom ons ‘n verheerlikte liggaam gaan ontvang wanneer ons ontslaap. As hierdie aardse liggaam alreeds verheerlik was, sou ek mos nie nog ‘n verheerlikte liggaam nodig hê nie?

God laat toe dat ons wel deur Christus ‘n stukkie hemel hier op aarde beleef, om ons ‘n voorsmaak te gee van wat wag vir ons. (Rom 1:20) Want Sy onsigbare dinge kan van die skepping van die wêreld af in sy werke verstaan en duidelik gesien word, naamlik sy ewige krag en goddelikheid, sodat hulle geen verontskuldiging het nie Die skepping getuig en wys ons hoe die hemel werklik gaan lyk.

Hoe sal ons die hemel beskryf? Niemand was al daar nie, sommige het ‘n veraf blik gekry. Hemel is die aarde se glorie sonder die gebrokenheid van sonde en nog soveel meer. Dink net hoe wonderlik sou die aarde wees sonder sonde! Dit is die kern van die koninkryk boodskap wat Jesus verkondig het. (Mat 4:23; Mar 1:15; Luk 8:1; Acts 1:3)

Wanneer die volkome kom, sal ons totaal verlos wees van sonde. Ons is saam met die aarde uitgelewer aan die verdorwenheid van sonde, alhoewel nie meer slaaf van die sonde nie. Ons moet almal tot sterwe kom, alhoewel ons wat in die Here sterf nie sterf tot die ewige verderf nie maar die ewige lewe. Ons verander net ‘n seisoen, soos van winter na somer. Ons lewe gaan voort in Christus sonder die beperkinge van sonde en die teenswoordige wêreld. Want nou sien ons deur ‘n spieël in ‘n raaisel, maar eendag van aangesig tot aangesig. Nou ken ek ten dele, maar eendag sal ek ten volle ken, net soos ek ten volle geken is. (1 Cor 13:12

Wat is die koninkryk? Dis waar God heers, en Sy wil geskied. In sy Koninkryk/hemel/woning is dinge soos dit moet wees. Byvoorbeeld: Ons word nie meer siek nie, genesing het uit Jesus gevloei na elkeen wat siek is, omdat die koninkryk naby gekom het. (Mat 4:23; Luk 9:11) Ons lewe vir ewig, dood het sy angel verloor. (1 Cor 15:54-56) Dit is die restourasie van alle dinge waarvan die skrif praat. (Acts 3:21)

Dis asof met elke sonsondergang en sonsopkoms, die Here ons attent wil maak op die heerlikheid wat kom.

Die skepping getuig van God se karakter en skeppingsvermoë. Daar is soveel mooi, en verwondering in die skepping. Hemel is soveel meer. Ons hou soms so krampagtig vas aan hierdie lewe en wêreld, omdat ons in wese eintlik nie glo in dit wat kom nie. Ons huil oor ‘n kind se vroeë dood, en die lewe waarop die kind uitgemis het sonder om te besef dat die eintlike lewe eers hierna gebeur. As die kind in die Here is, het hy of sy uitgemis en ontsnap van hierdie gebroke, sondige, verwoestende wêreld. Hoekom sou ons die kind hier wil hou om eers te ly onder sonde? Jesus rig ons gereeld in sy leringe na die ewigheid. Deur vir ons te wys op die loon wat ons dan sal hê, ( Mat 5:12; 46; 6;1-6; 16, 18) en dat hierdie krone en eer nie kan verwelk nie. (1 Cor 9:25)

Why are you grieving? The question felt strange, insensitive. Why? You very well know why. But his question had the same tone the angels used when the disciples came to the grave of Jesus on Easter morning: “Why do you look for the living among the dead?” (Luke 24: 5). Jesus went on, Craig is not dead; you know that. So let us talk about your loss. He began to help me differentiate between grief and devastation, between “good-bye for now” and what felt like utter loss. All Things New: Heaven, Earth, and the Restoration of Everything You Love by John Eldredge[1]

Ons harte en begeertes is waar hemel is. (Mat 6:21) Ons hemel is soms ‘n klein stukkie proe van sorgelose geluk toe ons jonk was. Vir die res van ons lewe loop ons in sirkels om weer dié oomblik te proe. Ons hardloop op soek na dit wat was. Ons drink uit leë bottels, en begeer net-nog- ʼn-keer oomblik. Hemel is waar mense God se wil leef en doen. Wanneer ons soos Jesus dien, liefhet, vergewe, aanraak, ophef dan laat ons mense deel aan die hemel wat nou in ons harte leef. Hemel het nou tuiste gevind in ons harte. Vrede en vreugde diep in jou gees, al gaan dit ook hoe swaar. Ons is nou alreeds besig om ‘n stuk van hemel te leef, wanneer ons intiem is met God.

Uiteindelik gaan God ʼn nuwe hemel en aarde maak. (Isa 65:17; Rev 21:1) Hy gaan alles nuut maak. (Rev 21:5) Hemel is meer ʼn werklikheid as hierdie wêreld. Ons gaan nie in die hemel een baie lang kerkdiens hou nie. Kom ons kyk net hoe Jesus saam met sy dissipels vir eet en kuier na sy opstanding. (Joh 21:12)

Ons lewe met die medalje in ons sak. Die hoop is in ons harte. (Col 1:27) Daarom kyk ons met groot verwagting na die wenstreep. Daarom fokus ons, hart gedurig op Hom! Ons kyk nie na mense nie, want hulle gaan ons faal, selfs if possible not all the elect will make it. Ons kyk nie na die omstandighede nie, want dinge gaan erger raak, ons weet dit, want ons leef in die eindtye. Ons kyk nie na valse drome en ideale nie, ons hou ons oë stewig gefokus op ons enigste hoop Jesus Christus in en onder ons. (Heb 12:2)

Hemel hier op aarde is om die wil van God te doen.

En die wil van God is geopenbaar Jesus die Christus. Wanneer ons Hom leef en ons harte op Hom rig, ondek ons die rykdom en oorvloed van Sy genade. Moet ons dan nou ophou regmaak, mooi maak, en ophef? NEE! Hemel is die plek van gehoorsaamheid. My loon en ewigheid is opgesluit in of ek gehoorsaam is of nie. Inteendeel: Gehoorsaam is ʼn plek. Al wat God van my wil hoor as ek eendag in die hemel gaan arriveer is: was ek gehoorsaam of nie? So baie gaan sê Here, Here? (Mat 7:21) Wanneer ek my lewe oorgee en myself verloën sluit God die hemel vir my oop in Christus. Dis immers die enigste manier om God te dien en te volg. (Mat 16:24) Wanneer ek my drome, begeertes en ideale vir Hom gee en nie meer probeer om dit self te verwesenlik nie, maak God my drome waar. Hierin is ʼn groot sleutel opgesluit: WAARVANDAAN kom oorloë en vegterye onder julle? Kom hulle nie hiervandaan, van julle welluste wat in julle lede stryd voer nie? 2Julle begeer en julle het nie, julle pleeg moord en is naywerig en julle kan niks verkry nie. Julle veg en maak oorlog, en julle het nie, omdat julle nie bid nie. 3Julle bid en julle ontvang nie, omdat julle verkeerd bid, om dit in julle welluste deur te bring. 4Egbrekers en egbreeksters, weet julle nie dat die vriendskap van die wêreld vyandskap teen God is nie? (Jam 4:1-4) Wanneer ons godsdiens probeer om God se arm te draai om my hemel te probeer kry, slaan die hemel se deure vir my toe. Dis juis wanneer ek oorgee, en Hom vertrou om hemel aan my te openbaar soos wat Hy wil, dan gebeur dit spontaan.

Lewe vanuit Sy rus

Hierin kan ek dus totale rus vind in Hom. Ek hoef nie die hele wêreld te probeer red nie. Ek hoef nie die aarde ʼn beter plek te probeer maak nie. Ek kan nie die verganklikheid van die aarde stop nie, en dit is ok! Al wat God van my verwag is om Hom te gehoorsaam! Dit is na my mening ook die hoogtepunt van geestelike volwassenheid: Om Hom juis te gehoorsaam wanneer ek nie daarna voel of lus is nie. Dis die kern en wese van ons godsdiens/dissipelskap in Christus. Ek moet net doen wat Hy sê! Wanneer die opdrag van Hom kom, dan gee Hy genade en krag om die opdrag uit voer. Hy werk saam met ons! Wanneer ek op my eie dit doen, staan ek alleen.  Ons hou ook nie op om mooi  na die wêreld te kyk nie, want ons is Sy Rentmeesters, wat sal rekenskap gee.

Ons redding en vrymaking is ook nie net vir onsself nie. Ons wil vry wees van self, selfsug, selfbewustheid en die “shame” van ons foute, om uit gehoorsaamheid te dien, te gee, te help, instrument te wees! Ons wil vry wees van skuld, en geldelike verknorsing en resessie, nie om self lekker te leef nie, maar om te kan gee. Ons werk nie om ons eie hemel te skep nie. Ons werk om te kan gee. (Eph 4:28) Ons wil so vry wees dat ons sonder verskoning, bagasie, en attachments net kan gehoorsaam!

Ann Unsworth het ons geleer:

‘hold on loosely’

Ons is burgers van God se koninkryk, hier woon ons in tentwonings, ons is bywoners, ons werklike huis is by Hom, ʼn ewige tuiste. (Phil 3:20) Ons is hou liggies vas aan die dinge van hierdie lewe, omdat ons, ons oë gevestig hou op ʼn ewige hoop! Die somtotaal van my lewe is gehoorsaamheid aan God, that is it! My loon is by Hom!


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