Tag: huwelik

 
Sien hierdie kragtige PPT oor Egbreuk vir meer antwoorde:
How does adultery “happen?” People don’t just decide one day to hop in bed and be unfaithful to their spouse. Adultery is the culminating act of a dozen or more tiny steps of unfaithfulness. Each step in itself does not seem that serious or much beyond the previous step. Satan draws a person into adultery one tiny step at a time. And he does this over time so that our conscience is gradually seared. This makes it easier to take “just one more step” thinking such a tiny step won’t hurt us.
The following “15 steps” which analyze how adultery “happens” are based on scores of interviews, counseling, and correspondence with church folk who fell into unfaithfulness. Our question: “How did this happen… what were the tiny steps which led to this mess?” While the order varied from case to case, the following is the general progression which surfaced in most incidents. This is not some sort of theoretical list. These are the actual steps taken by scores of church people who wound up committing adultery and regretting it later. Some of these people sobbed deeply as they shared, hoping that their own pain and failure might save other marriages. This information comes to you at great expense.
This chapter doesn’t have any preaching or analysis… that is left to you. Here we offer you cold word-for-word quotes. You and your Sunday School class can draw out the lessons. How did these lives get ruined? How does it start?
1. Sharing Common Interests. (Deel gemeenskaplike belange)
“We just had so much in common, it was uncanny.”
“She and I both enjoyed music, and we were attracted to each other.”
“He was so spiritually-minded… I’d been looking for someone to share my spiritual struggles with.”
“We both loved horses, and started riding together.”
“We both shared a burden for the church and especially children’s work.”
“She was the first woman I’d ever met who liked the outdoors, even hunting and fishing — I was fascinated!”
2. Mentally comparing with my mate. (Vergelyk my maat, fokus op tekortkominge)
“My husband wasn’t interested much in spiritual things, but this man knew so much about the Bible.”
“She was slim, attractive, and dressed sharp — quite a difference from my wife who didn’t take care of herself much at that time.”
“She was so understanding and would listen to me and my hurts — my wife was always so busy and rushed that we didn’t have the time to talk.
“My husband just would never communicate — he’d come home from work and just sit there watching TV. I finally gave up on him. Then this man came along who was worlds apart from my husband — he was gentile, loved to talk, and would just share little things about his life with me.”
3. Meeting emotional needs. (Bevredig emosionele behoeftes)
“He understood how I was feeling and offered me the empathy I was hungering for.”
“She was there when I needed her.”
“My ego was so starved for affirmation that I would have taken it from anyone — I guess that’s what started the whole thing.”
“No one had ever really believed in me until he came along. He encouraged me, inspired me, and believed so deeply in what I could become.”
“My wife was busy with the kids and not at all involved with my work. This girl admired me and treated me like I was really somebody. It felt so good.”
4. Looking forward to being together. (sien uit daarna om mekaar te sien)
“I used to dread going to work, but after we started our friendship, I would wake up thinking of how I would see him later that day… it seemed to make getting up easier.”
“I would think of being with her the whole time I was driving to work.”
“I found myself thinking of him as I got dressed each morning, wondering how he would like a certain outfit or perfume.”
“I looked forward to choir practice every week because I knew he would be there.”
“Every time I drove by her house I would think of her and how we’d see each other that Sunday.”
5. Tinges of dishonesty with my mate. (Begin oneerlik te handel met my maat)
“When my wife would ask if she was with the group I’d pretend I couldn’t remember… right there I started building a wall between us.”
“I would act like I was going to practice with our ensemble, but actually I was practicing a duet with him.”
“Once my wife asked about her, but I denied everything, after all, we hadn’t done anything wrong yet. Now I see that this was one of those exit points where I could have come clean and got off the road I was speeding down.”
“Whenever we got together as couples I would act like I didn’t care about him, and afterward I would even criticize him to my husband. I guess I was trying to hide my real feelings from my husband.”
6. Flirting and teasing. (Flirtasie en speelse grapies)
“I could tell from the way she looked at me. She would gaze directly into my eyes, then furtively glance down my body then back into my eyes again — I knew then that she was interested in more than my friendship. But, I was so flattered by her interest that I couldn’t escape.”
“Then we started teasing each other, often with double-meaning kind of things. Sometimes we’d tease each other even when we were together as two couples. It seemed innocent enough at first, but more and more we knew it really did mean something to us.”
“We would laugh and talk about how it seemed like we were “made for each other” so much. Then we’d tease each other about what kind of husband or wife the other one would have been if we’d married each other.”
“He had those killer eyes. When he’d look at me in that “special way” I would just melt. It was hopeless fighting my urges — he had me.”
7. Talking about personal matters. (begin oor persoonlike sake te praat en deel)
“We would talk about things — not big things, just little things which he cared about, or I was worried about.”
“We’d meet together for coffee before church and just talk together.”
“I was having problems with my son and she seemed to understand the whole situation so much better than anyone else I talked with. I’d tell her about the most recent blow-up and she would understand so well. We just became really deep friends — almost soul-mates. That’s what’s so weird about all this — we never intended for it to go this far.”
“I had lost my Dad just before we got to know each other and he had lost his mother a few years earlier. He seemed to understand exactly what I was going through and we would talk for hours about how each of us felt.”
“I was so lonely since my husband died and hungry for someone to share life with. Then he began to call just because he cared. I loved hearing his caring voice at the other end of the line, even though I knew he was married.”
“We spent so much time together at work that I swear she knew more about me than my wife ever did — or even cared to know.”
8. Minor yet arousing touch, squeeze, or hug. (Ligte aanrakings, drukkies, met gevoel)
“He never touched me for months. Then one night after working late, we were walking toward the door when he said ‘You’re so special, thanks for all you do…” then he turned and hugged me tenderly, just for a second. I loved how I felt for that moment so much that I began to replay it over and over again in my mind like a videotape. Now I know that I should have stopped it all right then. I never intended to ruin my family like this.”
“She was always hanging around our house and was my wife’s best friend. Often she would stay late to watch TV, even after my wife went to bed. She would sit beside me on the couch and I was drawn to her like the song says… like a moth to the flame.”
“He would often pat me on the shoulder — you know, in appreciation for a good job I’d done. But I knew it meant more than that.”
“The first time she touched me was when we were doing registration together. We were sitting beside each other. I’d say something cute or funny and she would giggle, then under the table she’d squeeze the top of my leg with her hand. That was really exciting to me.”
“Every time she shook hands with me at the door she seemed to linger, sort of holding my hand more than shaking it. No one else would notice, but I knew there was more to her touch than appeared to the eyes. She knew too.”
9. Special notes or gifts. (spesiaale geskenke, en boodskappe)
“He would write these little encouraging notes and leave them in my desk, pocketbook, or taped to my computer. They didn’t say anything which could be traced. If anyone found them they wouldn’t suspect anything. But we both knew what was going on, we just didn’t want to stop yet.”
“I would sometimes call him and leave a short message on his answering machine. He would leave little notes in my Bible.”
“He would buy me a little gift — not that expensive, but it always showed he had taken extra thought to get exactly what I liked. Of course everyone else thought he was just being a good boss.”
“She started leaving unsigned notes to me in my desk sharing her feelings for me. It scared me at first, because I thought someone would find one. But after a while I found myself looking forward to the next one, even though I knew the risk.”
10. Inventing excuses to call or meet. (Dink verskonings uit om mekaar te ontmoet)
“I started figuring out ways I could drop off something at her house when her husband was gone. He and I knew each other and I would always return borrowed tools in the afternoon when I knew she’d be there alone.”
“I would wait until the end of the workday then I’d call him just before closing time about something I’d made up as a ‘business question’ and we’d talk.”
“The more entangled we got, the more I planned times where he and I could practice together. We started meeting more often.”
“She started arranging her schedule so that her husband dropped her off at committee meetings. I would hang around and offer to take her home, acting with as much nonchalance as I could muster up.”
11. Arranging secret meetings. (Beplan geheime ontmoetings)
“By now we both were so far gone that we started meeting secretly at the mall parking lot. It know now how foolish this was, but I was driven by something other than good sense at that time.”
“We started arranging to work evenings on the same nights, then we would leave early and meet each other in the dark parking lot.”
“I started making sure he knew my travel schedule so we could attend the same conferences. We still weren’t involved physically at that time, but there was such excitement and romance to it all… even the secrecy seemed to make it more exciting.”
“She would sometimes call me just before lunch and we’d sneak through a drive-up together, and then spend the rest of my lunch hour talking quietly to each other.”
12. Deceit and cover ups. (Misleiding en verdoeseling)
“Once we were meeting secretly I had to invent all kinds of stories about where I’d been to satisfy my wife. By now I had built a towering wall of dishonesty between us.”
“Pretty soon my whole life was full of lies. I’d lie about where I was going, where I’d been, and who I’d been with. The more suspicious my husband got, the better liar I became. But he knew something was going on. It’s hard to lie without people suspecting it.”
“I joined several groups so that I would have an excuse to be away in the evenings.”
“She would ask when I’d gotten off work. I’d simply lie about it, and she never knew what hit her. How can I ever regain her trust now?”
“We agreed that if anyone saw us driving around we would both tell the same story: that my car wouldn’t start, he stopped to help, an we were going together to get a new fuse to replace the broken one he’d discovered.”
“By now my whole life was a lie, so I began telling them regularly to cover up our little meetings.”
13. Kissing and embracing. (Soen en vashou, en omhelsings)
“The whole thing seemed so exciting by now. I was such a fool. We were meeting secretly and both of us were fearful of being caught. But that only seemed to increase our common ground. When we’d meet, we would embrace as if we’d not been together for years — like in the movies when someone comes home from the war.”
“Once we started meeting secretly the end came fast. We kissed and hugged like two teenagers going parking for their first time.”
“It just felt so good to be hugged and loved by somebody who really cared about me.”
14. Petting and high indiscretion. (Sekuele voorspel en onbetaamlike gedrag)
“At this point my glands took over. I forgot reason altogether and was willing to risk everything for more.”
“It was like I was a teenager again — going too far, then repenting and promising to do better; then just as quick I was hungrily seeking more sin.”
“When my husband and I were dating we struggled with ‘how far to go.’ Well, here I was again struggling over the same issue. Friendship with this guy didn’t seem so wrong. But now were we’re going further than I ever intended. But, I felt curiously justified going exactly as far as I had with my husband when had been dating. In a way, I think some of my resentment against my husband’s constant pressure on me started coming out. I’m not saying that it wasn’t wrong. Just that I kind of felt justified.”
“At about this time I began fooling myself into thinking I was heroic for not going “all the way.” That’s what I wanted to do. But by doing “everything but” I fooled myself into thinking I was successfully resisting temptation. What I didn’t realize was that, not only was what I was doing wrong, but that eventually I would take the next step. It’s just not possible to freeze a relationship — you have to go ahead with it, or break it off totally.”
15. Sexual intercourse. (Sekuele omgang)
“Soon I quit resisting and was swept into outright adultery.”
“One thing led to another and finally we ended up in bed with each other.”
“Though we never intended it to go that far, we eventually went all the way and had sex.”
“One night we couldn’t seem to stop ourselves (at least we didn’t want to) so I completed my journey of unfaithfulness to my husband — I had sex with this man.”

Dit is die belofte wat feitlik elke man en vrou aan mekaar sweer voor die Here en getuies op hulle troudag. “Ek belowe ek sal getrou aan jou wees… tot die dood ons skei.” Tog breek ons hierdie belofte so gou vir byna elke rede onder die son. “Ek is nie meer lief vir jou nie” of “ek voel eensaam” of “my maat verstaan my nie, ek voel nie meer in voeling met my maat nie.” of “My maat doen dit… of dat…” Die feit is ons regverdig ons ontrouheid. Ons bou innerlik ʼn regsaak op om ons optrede te regverdig.
Die verdere hartseer is dat die party wat ontrou is dikwels meer woede toon en meer verontreg voorkom as die maat teenoor wie oortree is, selfs nadat hulle oortreding ontbloot is. Hoe is dit moontlik? Die onskuldige party wat meestal ook al hierdie emosies en bogenoemde dinge en redes ervaar het, was nie ontrou nie, het nie losmaking gesoek nie, en kom op ʼn dag met ʼn skok agter dat die ander party al vir ʼn geruime tyd ontrou is! Die onreg in egbreuk is: Die getroue party het ook al die negatiewe elemente van die verhouding beleef, en het nietemin getrou gebly. Jy leef in ʼn illusie as jy dink, net jý beleef alleenheid, onvervuldheid, tekort aan erkenning, onbevredigde behoeftes en begeertes, en onregverdigheid. In honderde berading sessies het ek dit feitlik elke keer eerstehands beleef, dat beide partye meestal dieselfde negatiewe dinamika in die verhouding ervaar. Die misleiding en sluier word vinnig gelig wanneer die rolle omgeruil word. Wat sal jy doen as jou maat ontrou is?
Egbreuk begin as ‘n misleiding van die hart. Ons beleef ‘n negatief, en in plaas daarvan om direk met dit te deel totdat oplossings verkry word gooi ons die handdoek in, en begin inwaarts skei, onttrek, terugtrek, wegdraai, ontknoop.
Die dialoog en redes hoekom mense ontrou was, dui ook verder op die misleiding: Want as mens sal ons altyd ons verkeerd regverdig.
“Kan ʼn mens nie maar twee mense dieselfde tyd liefhê nie?” Dit is ʼn fantasie uit die put van die hel!! Want ons almal weet jou hart kan nie op twee persone fokus nie: Jy sal of die een haat en die ander een liefhê; die een aanhang en die ander verag. (Mat 6:24) Tydens die tydperk van ontrouheid, het jy nog liewer vir jou maat geword, meer geduldig, sagter, meer ingestel op sy/haar gevoelens? Nee die waarheid is, terwyl jy jou hart vir iemand anders oop gemaak het, het jy begin om jou maat te verag, te haat en het jy stadig maar seker al hoe verder weg begin beweeg. Dit is hoe mens agterkom hier is fout, want op intieme vlak verloor maats selfs hulle behoefte vir seksuele bevrediging by hulle maats, want hulle word nou êrens anders gevoed.
“Ons het dit nie gesoek nie” is die ander verduideliking wat mens telkens hoor by getroudes wat ontrou was. Dit is ook nie die waarheid nie. Elke huwelik gaan deur moeilike tye, mens verander, ons liggame verander, ons behoeftes verander. Jou maat verander nie sy of haar slegte gewoontes nie. Ons stry oor dieselfde goed oor en oor. Daar is dae wat ons werklik nie lief voel vir mekaar nie. Ons stry en bereik nie ʼn ooreenkoms nie. My maat gee nie in nie en is onverbiddelik. Ons maak mekaar seer, en voel alleen, onvervuld, en gekrenk. DAN DRAAI MY HART. In plaas daarvan dat ek aanhou “engage” aanhou praat, dinge deurwerk, met my maat ‘stoei’ totdat ons ʼn deurbraak kry… gee ek op, en stilweg begin my hart draai. Ek skei lank alreeds in my hart. God se antwoord teen huweliksontrou is: ‘n Gelukkige en vervulde (gees, siel en liggaam) verhouding met jou maat. (1 Kor 7:1-5) Die waarheid is; jy is nie gelukkig nie maar het nie die moed om met jou ongelukkigheid te deel nie. Jy het al probeer, maar jou maat… Sy/hy sal nooit verander nie… Ons het al gegaan vir hulp maar dit het nie gehelp nie… Die “maars” is ʼn baie lang lys. Die waarheid is, jy het nie hard genoeg probeer nie, as die een oplossing nie werk nie, dan probeer jy iets anders. Die verhouding is dit werd! Die mens het al baie moeiliker goed reg gekry. Ons het ʼn ruimtetuig geland op Mars! Daar is so baie onmoontlikheid wat oorwinnings geword het omdat iemand dit regtig WOU doen.
Die vraag bly dus: Hoe bly ek vir ʼn leeftyd aan my maat getrou? Is liefde genoeg? Ja liefde is genoeg, maar saam met liefde kom karakter. Liefde is ʼn emosie, liefde is ʼn uitvloeisel van die keuse en die fokus van my hart. Maar liefde is onvoorspelbaar. Liefde is met tye eenvoudig nie genoeg nie. Wat doen jy wanneer jou maat jou nie meer kan terug liefhê nie, soos wanneer jou maat siek word en dalk Altzeimers kry. Wat doen jy wanneer jou maat te siek raak om vir jou te sorg, en jy moet jou maat versorg? Dis tog dit wat ons belowe het. “In siekte of gesondheid”.
Karakter: Integriteit, Respek, Eerbied, en Lojaliteit!
Karakter: dit is wat my getrou hou aan my maat aan die einde van die dag. Om die regte ding te doen, aan te hou doen, al voel ek wat! Om ontrou te wees is ʼn skending van my eie karakter en waardes. Ek is ʼn persoon van my woord, my ja is my ja. Ek is eerbaar en lewe met eerbied en lojaliteit! Ons leer nie ons kinders hoe om lief te hê nie, want dit gebeur vanself. Ons leer ons kinders hierdie waardes, omdat hierdie waardes nie vanself kom nie. Dis ʼn keuse elke dag, om deur temptasie my hart gefokus te hou. Die huweliksverbond gaan oor baie meer as net liefdesgeluk! Dis ʼn verbond van trou, eerlikheid, deursigtigheid en vennootskap. Dis die boustene van ʼn gesonde samelewing. Wanneer ons as samelewing ons waardes verloor begin ons op ʼn afdraande die afgrond binne jaag! Ons is nie meer vir ons kinders en kleinkinders rolmodelle nie. Wanneer ons ingee tot ontrouheid, assosieer ek myself met leuens, ek word ʼn leuenaar. Ek lieg vir myself, my maat, my kinders en familie. Om uiteindelik in skaamte te moet erken, ek is vals, wat julle gesien het was ʼn leuen. Ons huwelik, die liefde, die mooi saam, die vakansies, die neseier opbou, die veiligheid van huis; alles ʼn leuen!
Temptasies kom, daar is niemand wat nie al versoek is en voor temptasies te staan gekom het nie. Die skrif sê egter ons moet temptasie “endure” verdra . (Jak 1:12) Ons gee nie in nie, ons karakter word getoets. Ons kies om aanhoudend en voortdurend ons hart te bly draai na mekaar. Partykeer met moeite! Maar ons doen dit, omdat dit is wie ek is! Wanneer ek ingee, verraai ek nie net my maat nie, maar myself! Seksuele sonde is eerstens primêr teen myself. (1 Kor 6:18) Want ons is tempels van die Heilige Gees. Ons is God se verteenwoordigers op aarde. Uiteindelik staan elkeen wat gesondig het en in gegee het vir die temptasie, in skaamte. Kinders van die Here is NIE ontrou nie Ongelukkig moet ons deesdae sê: “veronderstel om ontrou te wees nie)!
Ons het ons identiteit in God verraai vir die luste van die vlees. (Rom 6:12) Soos Esau ons geboortereg verkoop vir ʼn pot lensiesop. (Heb 12:16) Die bietjie kos maak nie op vir die geweldige prys wat ons op die ou einde moet betaal nie.
Hoe bly ek dus getrou aan my maat oor ʼn leeftyd? Omdat ek my woord gegee het, veg ek om te alle tye in eerbied, integriteit, lojaliteit en respek te leef met my maat elke dag ten spyte van enigiets wat my maat doen of nie doen nie. Dit is wie ek is! Ek kies om te veg vir ons verhouding, want ons huwelik is ʼn monument van bogenoemde waardes. Omdat hierdie waardes die boustene is van ʼn gesonde samelewing veg ek met alles in my vir dit! Dis tog die waardes waarop ons volhoubare besighede bou. Dis is ook die waardes waarop ons ons gesinne bou. Liefde vloei spontaan en natuurlik uit hierdie waardes wanneer ons dit leef en doen. Liefde maak dit lekker, maar is nie my vertrek plek nie. Omdat ek kies om aanhoudend my hart te draai, groei liefde in vlakke en in diepte tot die punt waar ek soos God begin liefhê, en ek en my maat een word soos God een is. Dit is wat ons almal soek, maar nie altyd bereid is om die prys voor te betaal nie. Dit kos harde werk, karakter! Soos God se karakter ook in my groei, en ek al hoe meer transformeer na Sy beeld, word eerbied, lojaliteit, integriteit en respek nie goed wat ek doen nie maar die persoon wie ek is!
Eerbied:
Die Bybel sê dat ons, ons ouers moet eer. (Mar 7:10) Maar hoe eer ʼn mens iemand? “Hierdie volk nader My met hulle mond en eer My met die lippe, maar hulle hart is ver van My af.”
As jy iemand eer is jy gehoorsaam:
Jesus maak dit duidelik in hierdie gedeelte, dit help nie julle eer my met julle lippe, maar julle doen nie wat ek sê nie. (Mat 15:6-8) As jy werklik iemand eer, doen jy wat die persoon van hou, en wil gedoen hê.
Eerbied is ʼn lewenswyse: Ons word deur Paulus verder vermaan om “die een moet die ander voorgaan in eerbetoning” Petrus sê dat ons “almal moet eer” (1 Pet 2:17) Eer is dus ook ʼn ingesteldheid ʼn manier hoe ek optree teenoor iemand vir wie ek baie agting het. Ons eer hooggeplaastes, en eregaste, die Bybel leer ons leer met hierdie eerbied met alle mense, jou broers en susters in die Kerk, en jou vrou! Net so moet julle, manne, verstandig met hulle saamlewe en aan die vroulike geslag, as die swakkere, EER BEWYS, omdat julle ook mede- erfgename van die genade van die lewe is — sodat julle gebede nie verhinder mag word nie. (1 Pet 3:7) Ons word te familiêr met die mense in ons huis, ons sal vir hulle enigiets sê, dinge wat ons nooit in die openbaar sal sê nie. Wanneer ons dit doen dan eer ons nie ons maat nie.
As jy iemand eer, hou jy daardie persoon die heel tyd ingelig: Dit is hoe Jesus die Vader geëer het. Joh 15:19; 5:20, 30; 6:38; 8:28; 12:49; 14:10, 24, 31; 15:5; 16:13 Ek eer nie my maat as ek vir my maat geheime het, of hom of haar nie ingelig hou van my besluite, waar ek gaan, en wat ek mee besig is nie. Wanneer ek nie my maat inlig nie wys ek deur my dade, dat my maat nie vir my belangrik is nie, dat ek nie haar of sy insette nodig het nie, en dat ek nie eintlik glo hy of is deel van die span nie.
As jy iemand eer is jou ja, ja en jou nee, nee!: Maar kyk, in hierdie stad is ‘n man van God, en die man is geëerd: alles wat hy spreek, kom sekerlik uit; laat ons nou daarheen gaan; miskien kan hy ons inlig oor die tog wat ons onderneem het. (1 Sam 9:6) Iemand wat ʼn persoon van sy of haar woord is, leef eerbaar. Wanneer jy ontrou is, verloor jy hierdie vertroue wat iemand in jou woord het. Skielik word alles wat jy sê in twyfel getrek.
Lojaliteit:

Lojaliteit is ʼn kwessie van die hart. Ontrouheid vind lankal reeds in die hart plaas voordat dit in die openbaar bekend word. Daarom sê Jesus dat iemand wat self net na ʼn vrou kyk en haar begeer, het alreeds in sy hart met haar egbreek gepleeg. (Mat 5:27-29) ʼn opregte hart is ʼn onverdeelde hart. IN Psalm 101:2b word ons op geroep om: “In my huis wil ek lewe met ‘n opregte hart.”
Die hart is baie bedrieglik (Jer 17:9) en dit is in die hart waar ontrouheid begin (Mat 15:19). For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, But his heart is not with you. Ons kan die leuens van ons hart vir mense wegsteek maar nie vir God nie. (1 Sam 16:7b) Daarom moet ons bo alles altyd sorg dat ons, ons hart bewaar. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Spr 4:23)
Lojaliteit teenoor my maat, beteken om my maat in my hart eerste te stel. God is altyd heel eerste in ons harte, maar daarna is dit ons eggenoot, dan ons kinders, werk, kerk en familie. Wanneer ons hierdie orde verbreek, is ons dislojaal. Wanneer ek my ma of pa, bo my maat stel, of eerder hulle guns wil behou as my maat sin is ek dislojaal. Wanneer ek enigiemand se belang bo my maat sin stel, is ek ontrou aan my maat.
In die huwelik verloor ons iets van ons individualiteit, om dit uiteindelik juis terug te wen. Hoe gesonder die verhouding is, hoe meer ruimte is daar vir gesonde individualiteit. ʼn Goue reël in hoe jy te werk gaan met die teenoorgestelde geslag is: om nooit jouself te bemark as enkel nie. Ek is getroud, ek dra ʼn ring sodat almal dit kan sien. Ek gebruik gereeld die woord “ons”. Ek stel nie net myself voor nie, maar ook my maat al is sy nie by nie. Ek wys ʼn foto van my maat, en stel hom of haar altyd in die heel beste lig. Ek is een van die mees gelukkigste mense op aarde om met “Eggenoot se Naam” getroud te wees. As ek stories vertel sluit ek my eggenoot in die verhaal in. “ONS was daarheen op pad en toe het…” Ons Praat nooit negatief of sleg van ons maat teenoor ʼn ander persoon nie. Ek is versigtig hoe ek my maat aanspreek en hanteer wanneer my maat ʼn fout in die publiek maak. Liefde maak toe! (1 Kor 13) Ek praat nooit neerhalend met my maat nie, en soveel te meer voor ander mense. Ek spot nie met my maat nie. Ek is nie sarkasties of afbrekend nie.
Respek:

Respek is die “awe” (ontsag) wat ek vir my maat het. Ek kyk op na my maat. Respek moet verdien word, maar al hoewel my maat dalk my respek verdien omdat hy ʼn goeie atleet is, is hy nie so netjies nie, en het hy irriterende gewoontes. Ons respekteer mense gewoonlik in een area, maar dit is nie so maklik wanneer ons met die mens getroud is nie. Mense het almal foute. Nou hoe nou gemaak? Bybelse respek is in die geloof. Omdat ek my maat in die Gees sien. Ek respekteer byvoorbeeld my vrou omdat sy ‘n goeie ma is, my man omdat hy ʼn getroue voorsiener is, maar ek moet meer in my maat raaksien om die hele persoon te respekteer. Sien ek Christus in my maat? Sien ek my maat se roeping in die Here, en waarheen God met my maat op pad is? As ek hierdie dieper en meer permanente geestelike eienskappe begin raaksien, sien ek my maat in heeltemal ‘n ander lig.
Respek het ook met gesag te doen. In ʼn huwelik is die man dalk meer gesaghebbend wat rekenaars betref, dan onderwerp die vrou haar in respek in daardie area aan die man. Die vrou is dalk goed met finansies, en die man onderwerp hom weer in daardie area aan die vrou. Wanneer ons dit regkry word huwelik ʼn wonderlike vennootskap.
Integriteit:

Integriteit gebeur in jou private lewe. Die dinge wat jy doen wat niemand sien nie. Die gedagtes wat jy nooit uiter nie. Integriteit word veral toegepas in die deel van jou lewe wat niemand sien nie. Dis die kern van die ware jy. Dis die besluite wat jy neem waarvan niemand ooit sal weet nie, of waarvoor jy nooit erkenning sal kry nie. Baie mense kan self-opofferend dienskneg wees, en heiligheid regkry voor mense, maar dis wanneer niemand sien nie waar dit regtig tel. Geestelike volwassenheid is wanneer ons publieke lewe en private lewe in sinergie met mekaar is. Daar is dus geen tweeledigheid (dualiteit) in my optredes privaat en publiek nie.
Why is it that so few men finish well? “They learn the possibility of breing fruitful without being pure… they begin to believe that purity does not matter. Eventually they become like trees rotting inside that are eventually toppled by the storm. Jim Downing
Integriteit het te doen met innerlike waarheid. Die opregtheid van eerlike mense wys vir hulle die koers. Die valsheid van onbetroubare mense bring hulle ondergang. (Spr 11:3) Integriteit is ʼn basiese bestanddeel van leierskap. Moses moes manne van integriteit (waarheid) aanstel. (Eks 18:21) Die integriteit van ʼn kleipot in die ooste is bepaal deur dit in die son te laat staan vir ʼn tyd, sodoende sou enige krake wat met was of vet toegesmeer is maklik wys. Ongeveins, onbesproke, deursigtig, onomkoopbaar, onkreukbaarheid. Dit het ook te doen met eerlikheid. Daar is nie boekgehou van die geld wat aan die opsieners van die bouery gegee is nie, want hulle was eerlik en getrou. (2 Kon 12:15) Getrouheid is die mees basiese bousteen en onderbou van ʼn gesonde samelewing. Ons as ouers leer integriteit in ons kinders, sodat hulle suksesvol kan wees. Daarom moet ons ook in integriteit, getrouheid, eerbaarheid, lojaliteit, respek met ons maat saamleef. Wees getrou in die kleine en jy sal getrou wees ook in die groter dinge. (Luk 16:10)
Ontrouheid verbrokkel hierdie waardes se krag in ons lewe. Een keer se ontrouheid, en jy sukkel die res van jou lewe om gesig te gee aan hierdie waardes. Soos ʼn goeie naam, kry jy dit net een keer in jou lewe. Daarna moet jy maar toesmeer, stilbly, en jou skaamheid probeer toemaak, soos Adam en Eva. Klink dit asof mense wat getrou in huwelike bly dan glad nie sondig nie? Is hulle maar nie ook met geheime dinge besig nie? Wel as hulle is, gaan die son van die lewe die krake uitwys op een of ander tyd! Daarom moet ons almal, let wel ALMAL! Die wat in huwelike staan en die wat ʼn misstap begaan het onsself opbou in Goddelike Karakter! Hoe meer SY karakter deel word van ons lewe en bestaan hoe kleiner die mag van die duiwel om ons te versoek. Die volheid van goddelike karakter is die teenmiddel teen ontrouheid. Hoe meer ons ontwikkel en groei in ons karakter, hoe beter kans het ons om temptasies te weerstaan.
Versoekings sal nooit ophou nie, maar as ek en my maat beide as dissipels en leerlinge van Christus SY pad begin stap, wys Hy die onreinheid en valsheid in ons harte uit, en ons groei, bly groei om meer soos Hy te word. Die perfekte huwelik is wanneer beide persone só in Christus gegroei het en bly groei. Ek deel met die foute van ons verhouding deur self meer soos Jesus te word. Wanneer my maat dieselfde doen, begin ons verhouding in eenheid en sinergie in Hom te groei. Dan word die huwelik wat God bestem het dit moet wees. ʼn Heilige Goddelike eenwording! In stede van na my maat se foute te kyk, staan ek deursigtig voor God en laat Hom die donker in my hart wys. Uiteindelik besef ek dat ek méér foute het as my maat. Dat ék tekort skiet om my maat se behoeftes te vervul. In Sy teenwoordigheid word ek sag en soos klei in Sy hande, Hy vorm my en maak my soos Hy wil! Wie wil nie getroud wees met so ʼn maat nie? Iemand wat sag is, nederig, liefdevol, vol van passie, vredemakers, ongeveins, eerlik, standvastig, gehoorsaam, regverdig, wys, onselfsugtig, gemaklik. Die foute wat ons oënskynlik in die begin weggedryf het van mekaar is op die ou einde deel van die mens wat God nog moet verander. Dis die eienskappe van ons menswees wat nog nie onder Jesus se heerskappy is nie.
My gevolgtrekking is dus: Die enigste manier om vir ewig getrou te wees aan my maat is om elke dag meer en meer te word soos Jesus, in karakter, lewenstyl en gesindheid! As beide partye tot hierdie proses verbind is… het ons hemel op aarde!